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It doesn't get any more beautiful, any more magical, any richer, or any easier, Keziah, than things are right now.

Until, of course, you start expecting it to.

At which point, I hope you have a really good broker.

Expectation summons legions,
The Universe

Fin! Noggin! Duuuuude!

heHEE! Yes, I'm channeling Crush the seaturtle from Finding Nemo... Why?

Because I so rocked that exam. My prof has no socks left, I rocked it so hard. I had the "A" before I'd even looked at the radiogram. Righteous! Righteous! YEAH! Brainicules were out in FULL force today, let me tell ya. There was no stoopid anywhere around today. I even correctly answered the few accessory questions he could think to ask me.

Now, I need to chill and come down off this high. Morning pastries have been procured. Movie needs to be selected. Jammies need to be donned. I might want to sleep at some point. That two hour nap is only going to get me so far.

My day is already fantastic! Hope everyone else's is just as good.

*SMOOCHES ALL AROUND before breaking into victory dance*

What do you see when you look at me?

Do you see a woman with too much height? Too much strength? Too much drive? Too much going on behind eyes that show you, without a shadow of a doubt, that there's more going on behind them than you could possibly ever imagine? Is it a thrill to be so close to someone that you perceive as so dangerous, or are you about to wet yourself in the light of your own insecurities?

Would it surprise you to know that I've never broken anyone in half - that these hands are capable of creating the tiniest sutures, the greatest comfort, the gentlest and most loving caress?

Why are my shoulders so broad? From lifting one hundred friends in pain, in need, from the cold ground, and shouldering them back into a place of warmth, comfort, understanding, and love. My shoulders have been the infrastructure of rehabilitation for many and will be for one hundred more. Of course they're broad - that's what they're made for. And my thick legs are for lifting me from the cold ground and keep me standing under the weight of my own burdens and those that I shoulder for others.

Why do I strive to achieve so much rather than just settling for an average life? Because I can strive, so I do. So can you. Why *don't* you strive?

This form tells you that I'm a woman - with too much curve - but you don't *see* the Woman... You just see too tall, too strong, too driven, and too much going on behind eyes in a face attached to a body that's too curvy, but that you'll fuck anyway because there's no one better to do right this minute.

How can someone be "too much" and "not enough" at the same time, I wonder?

Take a closer look - not at me - but at yourself. *That's* where you're going to find "not enough". I challenge you to be "too much" - it's not as easy as it looks.

Sitting and watching Nip/Tuck, thinking of things that I would and would not change about myself...

Most of what I would change is just about diet, exercise, general health, wellbeing, and maintenance. There are non-invasive procedures that I'd like to have done - schlerotherapy to get rid of some visible veins on my legs which is more medically based than cosmetic, lazer eye surgery, lazer hair removal, teeth whitening... all pretty normal.

Then, I noticed that *one* man commented on the pics I posted the other day - and that comment was about my eyes. The rest of the comments were from very pretty women who all flattered me mercilessly. Thank you, ladies - it means a lot to know that I'm attractive to my own gender.

It makes me wonder if the world is as shallow as I dared hoped it wasn't - and if the more invasive surgeries that I've considered, but never thought would be necessary to attract a man, were necessary... Nose job, boob lift, liposuction, tummy tuck...

I would never do any of the above. Kind of like my ideas about never changing WHO I AM, I will never ask a surgeon to recreate me into something "better", because you can't get better or more real that what and who I am. If you're shallow enough to want perfection, then you don't have enough depth for me. If you want perfection, get a blow-up doll or steal a mannequin. I will defend my right to be real until I die.

I'm noticing a trend lately - and maybe some of you are aware of it as well. It's all about boosting the self esteem of "big girls" or "chubby girl". "Big girls, you are beautiful" by Mika. Websites dedicated to supporting guys that like "chubby girls". Thanks for reinforcing the labels, guys. "I like big girls like you..." What a great way to turn me off. I'm not a "big girl", I'm not a "chubby girl" - I'm a woman, period. A friend of mine said to me once - "Oh, he's a chubby chaser, so he's going to like you". Smacked that bitch upside her head!

I'm happy that women are coming into their own and that the self esteem of the everyday woman is improving. Dove is doing an amazing thing with it's Real Beauty Campaign... The fashion industry is still doing it's best to shove perfection and the size 0 mystique down our throats. I wonder who will win in the end..?

It's sad that I, and so many other women, feel this way at times and consider the unconsiderable, that's all.

I can't remember where I heard about Mil Millington's "Things My Girlfriend and I Have Argued About", but after ditching whatever I was supposed to be doing to read and laugh an entire afternoon away, I was quite happily and painfully hooked....

And excerpt from his latest adventures with his girlfriend of 17 years, Margret:

Margret: "You're just going to leave that lying there, aren't you? It'll still be lying there next week, and I'll have to move it."

Mil: "No, it won't. You can't leave anything where I've quite deliberately put it for a day, let alone a week. You'll have secretly moved it to where I can't find it the second I turn my back."

Margret: "Wrong. I'll ask you to move it, and you'll say, 'In a minute' - for seven full days worth of not moving it."

Mil: "Because you'll always ask me to move it when I'm in the middle of something else."

Margret: "Which is inevitable, as you define 'doing something else' so broadly that it includes every possible state: reading the paper, watching a DVD, thinking about Sino-Russian issues, sitting up, lying down, homeostasis…"

Mil: "So - fired up by the 'only obvious, menial and physical toil counts as real activity' thinking that unites you and the Khmer Rouge - you'll have an abrupt fit--."

Margret: "Abruptly, yes; after abruptly watching you sit there for a week."

Mil: "--and fling it off into the most stupid, unlikely place: eyes wild with, 'This mad thing I'm doing now - Mil's brought it upon himself. I am merely the messenger: stuffing this where no one would ever look for it when they need it is God's work."

Margret: "And, no, you won't be able to find it when you need it, that's correct. Because you'll be completely searched out after you've tried standing exactly where you are and examining what lies within the 45-degree arc of things directly at eye level."

Etc, etc. As I say, that is merely an example - though Margret is obviously in the wrong there, in your case the division between Good and Evil needn't be so clear cut. Anyway, have a try at it whatever happens to be the case. One of its interesting features is that, relying on nothing but the speculative assertion of the other's future behaviour, it's able to go on for as long as you can posit damning conduct by your partner. See how you get on. Our current record is four-and-a-half years.

If you have something that you SHOULD be doing, but would rather do something enjoyable instead, check out:

http://thingsmygirlfriendandihavearguedabout.com/

A piece of sage wisdom: go pee before you sit down, make sure you have enough fluids around to stay hydrated, and make sure you have enough wipes to wipe said fluid from your computer screen.

Happy reading!

Just 'cause everyone's doing it... and it's kinda cool.

Link: The what Proto-Goth Icon are you? Test written by anastasia_x on OkCupid Free Online Dating, home of the The Dating Persona Test

Grab a blankie, some hot cocoa, and someone to snuggle with - drive as far from city lights as possible, and make as many wishes as possible. Thanks for the heads up, theladyskye.


http://science.nasa.gov/headlines/y2007/11jul_greatperseids.htm

There's a second meteor shower a couple of weeks ago that Western Canucks will have the best vantage point of (for once).

http://space.newscientist.com/article.ns?id=dn12443&feedId=online-news_rss20

Enjoy, everyone!

Okay, Kosice isn't exactly "The Wilds", but it was a cute title.

I would have updated more, but really, life hasn't been terribly interesting in a day-to-day sort of way. I don't really think that many of you wanted to get a weekly email that said - "Monday, I studied... Tuesday, the same... Wednesday.... is anyone sensing a trend here?" Okay, maybe some of you might have. :D Life is always so much more interesting when done in synopsis, don't you think?

So... onto the synopsis!

You are reading the words of a lady that has completed, successfully and rather well if I do say so, the first year of vet school. I will accept your rounds of applause, flowers, and mint chocolate with modesty and grace. Thank you, thank you! *insert Queen Elizabeth wave here*

I have to say that I surprised even myself. It was a very tough year and I wasn't sure that I'd make the adjustment, to be honest. But, I did and now I'm very comfortable and happy on my own in this now-familiar place. Kosice is a great little city and the surrounding areas are gorgeous, so please come and visit me!

The little kitten I got in December is all grown up and beautiful. He now has a brother, Max, who is a month younger and about twice the size. What a monster! I don't think he's stopped growing yet either. Yeep! But, he's as sweet tempered and lovable as Boo is and they get along very well, so I'm a lucky mom.

Summer is looking fabulous. I've got a couple of weeks off before I head for a week long kung fu training camp near Prague with the rest of my dojo. I'll be examined there by the grandmaster of my school for my first belt. Should be a fabulous time. I'll probably come back broken, bruised, and walking like an old lady, but I'll be a happy, broken, bruised old lady... :D

August will be spent in the UK seeing vet practice (mmm, injections, infections and surgeries, oh my!), seeing as much of the UK as possible with my buddy and tour guide, Tom, and just generally getting into the best kinds of trouble. A weekend in Amsterdam on my way back to Kosice is likely in the works as well, just because I can. I get to move into my new flat when I get back to Kosice as well! *insert happy dance here* My own bathroom and a full kitchen - happiness is mine!

Who'd have thought that I'd be saying that I'm heading to "Prague" "UK" and "Amsterdam" so cavelierly? Certainly not me! But damn, I'm loving it!

So, there you have it. Short, sweet, and full of exciting things. I'm sure this next academic year will have many more things to talk about on a more regular basis. General surgery, toxicology, parasitology - subjects to sink your teeth into - okay, not literally (altho, I have heard that maggots are a good protein source). Fun and not for the faint of heart. If you really don't want to hear about the wonderful and the gross, speak now, or forever hold your peace. :D For those that do, I can pretty much guarantee pictures of the first time I do a rectal on a cow... :D

*lmao* Max is going through his first catnip high. Funniest damned thing in the World! He's like a super-ball covered in fur. heheheh! I'm surprised nothing is broken yet.

Just goes to show that our parents were ringing in the new school year in horny fashion!

Happiest of birthdays to the divine rato_do_perigo!! Hope it's lovely, darling girl!

It's so good to have him back.

What a wonderful surprise to wake up to this morning. A knock on my door and two Slovak students with Boo in their arms.

Apparently, he was found in the 8th floor bathroom. I don't know when. I don't know any of the details. He's home, he starving, he's skinnier, but he's home.

I'm not quite sure it's sunk in yet... I'm not awake yet, obviously.

He's HOME!!!

That would be me.

How could I let this happen? This is my baby and I can't find him. I can't find him anywhere. I've called. I've searched. I've pleaded. I've enlisted others. I've put up posters.

It's been 20 hours and I can't find him.

How could I have let this happen? I should have been more careful and checked his environment more closely. No one else is responsible for his safety but me. Comfort breeds complacency. I just assumed that he was in Tally's room, where he usually is if he's not playing with Josh or Russ in my room or the hall. I just assumed that wanna-be vet students wouldn't be stupid enough to leave a window with no screen wide open where cats are playing and can get to.

I've taught him that beyond the corridor is scary. The doors at the end of the corridor are scary - he listened, he learned. He wouldn't have just scampered out, especially when one of his buddies was in the corridor to play with.

So, either someone lifted him from my corridor and carried him away, or he fell off the ledge of a window left wide open in a common area.

I checked with the campus vet - they haven't seen him. I'm hoping that means that whereever he is, he's not hurt.

*cry* How can I be a vet when I can't even keep a six month old kitten safe?

Boo's missing. I know that he's getting older and stuff, but he's not the sort to wander. He's a big chicken that never tries to get out of our corridor - especially when he's got his buddy, Josh, to play with.

OMG OMG OMG!

Normally, I wouldn't be this freaked out, but there are some odd sorts of people around here. People that really, in my opinion, shouldn't be vets. People that consider Boo a nuisance because he wanders into their room if they leave the door open too long. People who consider MY pet "just a cat". People who have threatened to "lose" him because it's spring and cats will just disappear.

I miss my boy...

Please come back, Boo.

This needed to be shared:

Stop trying to solve your life

You and your life are not problems to be solved. You are not something to be cleaned up and made better, to be repaired as if you were broken. You are a flower ready to blossom. You are a treasure to be uncovered, sparkling gold and silver, gems beyond imagining. You are a song ready to be sung, a dance that only needs the right music. And the music is drifting across on the breeze right now.

Rather than think of your life as endless circles of disappointment and shame, where you seem to repeat patterns helplessly, think of life as a long road. And on this road are many things to be discovered and experienced: times to meander through fragrant gardens; times to walk through an orchard where the ripe fruit is ready to pluck; times to climb a high mountain, using every ounce of your strength to pull yourself up to the next ledge; times to wander into a forest in the fog, uncertain of your bearings; times to step out of that forest into sparkling clarity, as you see a seemingly endless stretch of road ahead; times to encounter vast boulders, obstacles so enormous that it requires you to mobilize an entire group to clear them; and times to walk across sharp rocks that bite into your thin soles, only to emerge into a meadow of daffodils, nodding their heads in the spring sunshine.

This is your life. And your so-called problems are the doubts and worries in your mind and the burdens you carry on your back, out of active choice, a sense of obligation or simply because they have always been there. And though you sometimes dream that you would be happier if you had taken the other fork in the road, your happiness is influenced more by the drama in your mind than the pathways you walk.

In fact, the external choices you make have little influence compared to the choice you make each second with your internal world, whether to allow the weight of those burdens to overwhelm you, whether to allow your worries to dominate your mind, whether to gaze backwards in regret or march forward across the snow, full of faith that the daffodils are just around the corner.

Stop trying to solve your life. Stop trying to analyze what you did wrong and why you do not have everything you want in life. Stop torturing yourself minute by agonizing minute.

Instead, embrace this road, this life, this journey, these obstacles and yes, even these mountains. Enjoy the meadows then they come, eat from the orchard when it is there, but draw strength from the other challenges in their time as well, allowing the snows of today to make tomorrow's roses smell all the sweeter when they emerge in their spring glory.

This is your life and it is glorious and you are glorious within it. You are everything you need to be. You are standing just where you should stand. So right now, stand tall. Straighten up. Lift that chin and pull those shoulders back. Take a deep breath. Drop the burdens you can and use your internal strength to carry the rest, with all of the heart and muscle that is yours.

You do not carry more than you can handle. Just relax, shift the weight a little, take a deep breath, clear your mind of regrets, shame and worries, and look at the road ahead. And then, one step at a time, walk that road, knowing that the sunshine of faith and the raindrops of unending love will form a rainbow above you, a rainbow to show you the great loving presence that surrounds you always. And now walk, walk under the rainbow, knowing in your heart that you are treasure at the end of that rainbow. The knowledge and acceptance of the great wonder that is you: that is the prize.

Here is a little prayer for today

I walk my road in deep understanding and joy. I have eternal peace as my companion. I am like a deep well filled with peace and love, unending.

I walk, knowing that I am blessed deeply by love, surrounded always by the benevolence of an abundant universe. I walk with my head held high, knowing that I am deeply deserving of the love that is showered on me every day of my blessed life.

I am love. I am the abundant universe. I am peace abiding. I am.

Hope it was an awesome time for everyone! I'm likely going to pay for my New Years, since I threw caution to the winds last night and indulged in a considerable quantity of alcohol. I'd still be considered a very expensive drunk - despite having 3 shots of Bailey's, 3 glasses of cheap wine, about 6 glasses of champagne, and a shot of Slovak plum brandy, I wasn't feeling even mildly tipsy. In fact, I think my alcohol tolerance has INCREASED. I kinda like that.

New Years in Kosice is a dangerous place! Everyone and their dog buys fireworks and sets them off from their balconies and stuff. Yeep!! Pretty, but yeep!

What are your new years resolutions? The people I spent New Years with thought that they were too perfect to need to make them - as they all puffed away on cigarettes. Blech!

Oh well.

To echo the amazing and adorable nickitty, 2007 is all about me!

What makes me happy, fulfilled, confident, pleasured, and sexy.

Tomorrow, I'm going swimsuit shopping for a racing suit and goggles and picking up a pool schedule for the 50m pool that's near the train station. January is a good time to get back into it because I don't have classes yet and I'll need a solid study break everyday.

I have about three people looking for people who have horses that need regular riding so I can get back in the saddle.

If I'm lucky, my poi master is sending me a new set of poi in the mail this week, so I can start practicing again. I think I'll go onto Home of Poi after this and look at other poi sets to play with.

I've found some neat "naughty" information sites that I intend to take full advantage of. "Self"-improvement in every area is very important and has the added benefit of releasing a cascade of endorphins. ;)

Once the F-club reopens, I'm going to make sure that I go down for a couple of hours every Wednesday night and get my dance on. I'll also take more opportunities to go out and socialize. I haven't been doing that much since I got here.

Consistent hard work in school is going to be a priority. Vet school is not for the faint of heart and I haven't been showing my mettle yet. Time to unleash the big brains I keep reassuring myself that I have.

This is the Year of the Kez! Mwahahahahhahahahahah!!!!

Hope it's a wonderful day for everyone!!!